Your Brain is an Asshole Sometimes

Our brains can sometimes sabotage our confidence as real estate agents, convincing us we'll never succeed when business slows down. This episode explores why our minds fall into these negative thought patterns and offers seven practical strategies to break free from them.

• Understanding why our brain creates negative thought spirals
• Noticing when your brain is telling you that you'll never succeed
• 7 practical tips for breaking free of this pattern.

If you found this episode useful, please share it with a colleague in your office. For one-on-one sessions to dive deeper into this work, send me a message – all my information is in the show notes. Stay tuned for upcoming group workshops and coaching opportunities later this year.

You can find me on instagram @rested.real.estate.agent, and you can sign up for my newsletter to keep up with upcoming workshops and other offerings on my website www.suminabhatti.com. 

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Transcript

Introduction to Brain Sabotage

Sumina 0:15

Hello and welcome to the Rested Real Estate Agent , a podcast that helps you navigate life as a real estate professional , while finding some rest and balance along the way and finding the way to your rich life . I'm your host , Sumina , an agent with 18 years of experience in the Austin , Texas metro area , and I believe there's a better way to do our business serve our clients and not get burnt out . I help agents get from chaos to clarity .

Sumina 0:48

As you may have noticed , this episode is called your Brain is an Asshole Sometimes . What do I mean by that ? So sometimes your brain can be an asshole . This is like when your brain tells you that you'll never sell another house , or that clients hate you when they don't show up to your open house , or when a listing has been lingering on the market for 183 days and the seller is upset with you because , of course , you control the entire market . Or when you see a colleague on social media who's just won yet another top producer award and you're struggling to make your first closing of the year . Sometimes our brain gets really caught in these thought spirals of convincing us that we suck at our jobs , and this episode is to help you break free of that .

Sumina 1:37

So, in this episode let's talk about why our brains do this and some practical strategies for breaking free of these thought spirals , which actually might be easier than you think , because not only can it be incredibly demoralizing to beat ourselves up , it also hurts us in the long run because it takes the focus off of people we may be able to help out there who currently need our services , and also because it puts us in a negative mindset . So sometimes when we encounter people potential clients at an open house , if we're in a kind of negative thought spiral like I'm stuck at this job , I'm terrible in real estate , I'm never going to sell another house . That is going to come across to a potential client . It's like if you ever dated and you could smell the desperation off of someone who just really wanted to meet a partner and it's an immediate turnoff rather than someone who's confident in how they feel when they approach you and that gives you more of a sense of wanting to be with them than someone who is trying to cling on and grab onto you

Sumina 2:40

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Why Our Brains Do This

Sumina 2:44

?

Sumina 2:41

Let's first talk about why do our brains do this . Why do our brains like to send us on these journeys of torture and convincing us and giving us ruminating thoughts about our business , about failing in our business and what we could be doing any moment of the day to help boost our business up . Mainly , our brain is always trying to keep us safe right . So our brain thinks that by reminding us that we haven't sold another house , that we're needing another closing this year , we're not going to hit our numbers , that it is going to keep us safe . By continually reminding us that we are deficient , it's trying to motivate us .

Sumina 3:27

Our brain , especially our lizard brain or our more primitive part of our brain , thinks in very black and white , binary ways . Unless your brain has learned a different way to be motivated , which many of us haven't learned or were never taught . Brain's job is to try to keep us alive , and our brain cannot differentiate between a client being mad at you because the listing's on the market and you being in danger by being eaten by a wild animal right To your brain . It is trying to keep you alive in both these situations . Both these situations are dangerous for your brain , because your brain is thinking if we don't get this client , if we don't make the sale , if we don't get to this closing , we're not going to be able to make our house payment , we're not going to be able to take care of our kids or feed our family . And if you follow this thread down , eventually you will end up somewhere like alone , dying underneath the bridge by yourself , right ? The very extreme example of where this thought process goes if you don't keep it in check .

Sumina 4:32

Now , one: for most of us , we don't often hopefully don't often end up at that very end stage of it for fun , following that thread along to like . So what does happen if I don't get this client ? What does happen if I can't make my next payment ? What is the end result of it ? So your brain actually , rightfully , has a right to be worried , right ? If your brain thinks that is the end result of you not being able to close another deal , it is right to keep you on high alert and to make you feel anxious and worried constantly about the fact that business may be slow right now . And the other part of it is that we haven't learned other ways to motivate ourselves . We haven't learned , many of us , to use our higher functioning brain to try to help the lower , primitive part of our brain feel safer . So that's a little basic psychology lesson and I am not a psychologist , I just read a lot about how our brains work , what motivates us and what doesn't . So now that we have a loose grasp on why our brain does this from my very rudimentary examples , here are the seven thoughts or notes I have about how to work through this .

Seven Strategies to Break Thought Spirals

Sumina 5:43

Number two: notice Notice when your brain is telling you . You suck If you don't know when it's happening . You don't even know that your brain is telling you that story . It's hard to catch yourself to even know that . Oh right , there I can hear the story that my brain is telling myself . Great , now that I have that awareness , it allows me to move on to the next step . So for some of us who are not very practiced in paying attention to our mind , it may take a little bit of practice to figure out when your brain is even being mean to you , right , and there are a couple of different ways to try to sort for this . Would you say the types of things that your brain is telling you to another agent in your office ? If you would say no , that would be incredibly rude and horrible . Well then , that may be a clue , if you're saying that to yourself , that it's a way to catch yourself inside of this thought spiral , of noticing that your brain is falling back into this pattern again . So number one is notice when your brain is telling you you suck and that you'll never make it in this business . Your brain is telling you you suck and that you'll never make it in this business . Your brain is lying to you and we are going to prove it wrong . So stick with me .

Sumina 6:51

Number three: ask yourself this question Do I think I'll never sell another house again ? Do I think I'll never sell another house again ? If you've been in this business three , four , five years or more , you know the answer to that is probably no . You know that you are going to sell another house at some point in time . It may not be as fast as you want , but it's . The last sale you had is probably not the last one you're ever going to have . So reminding yourself that , as obvious as it may sound , do I think I'll never sell another house again ? No , I do think I will sell another home . That's one way to work through that as well .

Sumina 7:29

Number three four: way to work through this thought spiral of feeling like you're a terrible agent is to read through your past client testimonials . Remind yourself and remind your brain that you've helped many people in the past who are really delighted to work with you , who really valued your services and who were better off because they worked with you versus a less experienced agent . If there's a place you collect these , or your brokerage does , on your website I even encourage clients to screenshot these and just keep them in a folder that on my phone that I just call like my feel good folder and anytime I feel like I could use a boost , I have messages from past clients and people in there that I can look toward and be like oh man , you know it was great working with those people and they appreciated working with me . That's the third thing you can do to help your brain break out of that thought pattern .

Sumina 8:23

So number four is to think about someone you know or a story you heard of of someone who had a bad experience with a real estate agent . A bad experience with a real estate agent . Why do I want you to think about this ? Because would that client have been better served if they've worked with you ? Someone who has care and concern for their needs , someone who is going to be well-skilled at helping them negotiate . And we hear about these stories where someone says I had this agent , we went on our contract and then they just disappeared . They went on vacation . I never heard from them . I really don't know what they did , and they collected a commission check Me . And most agents I know , who are very skilled , work really , really hard for our clients . So when you hear of these stories of people who had bad interactions with agents , remind yourself that your services are needed . If you are listening to this podcast , I assume you're competent at your job and so your services are needed . That client would have been better served by working with you than with some dummy agent who's out there , of which , unfortunately , there tend to be a lot of , because the barrier to entry for our profession is quite low . But that is a soapbox for another time , so I won't get into that here . So number four is to think about someone who had a bad real estate experience and how much better they would be if they had worked with you , and why your services are valuable and necessary in the market .

Sumina 9:47

Number five five is a fun one , which is to go out to coffee or tea with some of your favorite clients to catch up . Pay for the coffee or tea if you must , not too expensive . But what this is going to do is give you a morale booster . You're going to work with people who the thing that you have in common with them is that you help them buy or sell a home and hopefully , if you're going out with them to grab coffee , you have some rapport . And being with these clients who are excited , who had a great experience with you , chatting with them about what's happening in their lives at home , can sometimes give you a much needed morale boost to realize that again your services are necessary . You will sell another home . You will find clients like these , clients who are fun and easy and delightful to work with , and giving your brain a face to face interaction experience with that can go a long way to breaking out of these thought spirals and thought patterns . We end up in Plus , it's fun .

Sumina 10:44

Number six this is to think about how you feel you are as an agent . Do you think there are areas of weakness that you have that you could strengthen ? For example , do you think that maybe your knowledge of contracts could use some freshening up , or your awareness of what's happening in your city and new developments and projects that might be happening ? Is there a class you can take at a title company . In my area , title companies offer classes all the time . Some are for CE credits , some are not . They're just informational classes . Not only do they put you kind of back in real estate mode , you're getting dressed up , you're going to the title company , you're meeting other fellow agents out there and you're learning something . Especially if you feel like you have a gap in knowledge , identify what that gap in knowledge is and then seek to fill that , because again it gives you autonomy and agency over your own mind , over your skill set and over your business .

Sumina 11:39

I recently I think it was last year took a tree class from an arborist here in Austin . It was extremely insightful and I gained some knowledge and I learned fun things about the trees in the area and of course I learned you know , from the real estate perspective the value it adds or doesn't add to homes . What happens if a client purchases a home with a beautiful tree on it but the tree has a disease and the tree dies ? What ? What do you do in that situation ? Provided for some really great just conversation and kind of pulled me out of a little bit of a rut that I had felt myself falling into around that time . These classes are usually free or are really low costs in my area , like $10 if you want to see e-credit . So that is another tip I have for working through these thought spirals when your brain tells you your brain is being a jerk .

Sumina 12:27

And here is my seventh tip , which I may not resonate with everyone , but as I was thinking through it I'm like I'm going to throw it out there . For the people that it resonates with , use it . For the people that doesn't , don't use it , which is to ask your manager , your bestie in real estate , maybe some of the best clients who are friends of yours for three reasons why they think you're awesome at your job or traits that make you good . You could text them or say something like hey , I just had a really rough transaction . Would you humor me and share three words that come to mind when you think of me as a real estate agent ? Or , hey , I feel a little silly asking this , but I could use a boost right now and you're someone I trust . Would you mind sharing a couple of things that worked well when I helped you buy your house ? Obviously , only ask people you've built up good rapport with , but I think you'd be surprised

Recap and Final Thoughts

Sumina 13:20

at the feedback you get when you are one , able to be a little bit vulnerable about where you're at , to reach out to people that you trust . And three , let them give you feedback . So you're not , you're not the one giving your brain feedback , other people from the outside are , which is even harder for your brain to deny than you telling yourself something .

Sumina 13:39

That was a lot of information . Let's recap a little bit about what we learned today . Information let's recap a little bit about what we learned today . So we one talked about what it is that makes our brain be a jerk sometimes . Mainly that's trying to keep us safe , and the reason that our brain has resorted to this strategy is because it doesn't really have the tools to use other kinds of strategies . Then I talked through seven tips and thoughts that I have , questions you can ask yourself and practices you can do to help break your brain out of these thought spirals , or thought knots , as I call them , and try to loosen them up a little bit it's not like they will go away 100% but to sort of start feeding it additional information so that it's harder and harder for your brain to stick to that original story that it's been caught up in that tells you that you suck at your job .

Sumina 14:27

I hope that these tips have been helpful . So thank you for joining me for this episode of the Rested and Rich Real Estate Agent . If you found this episode useful , it would mean a lot to me if you would share it with a colleague in your office , and if you're interested in one-on-one sessions to dive deeper into this work , send me a message and we can chat . All my information is in the show notes below . I should also have some group workshops and coaching opportunities coming up here later in the year , so I'm really excited about rolling those out . Stay tuned for more information . I'll also be posting about it in my newsletter and on my social media , and also , if your office or local board of realtors is looking for speakers who believe that mindfulness can help us lead richer lives , I am available for speaking engagements and group workshops as well . Thank you .